The problem with New Year Resolutions

 

Resolution.
"The act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict or problem." 

How many times have you resolved to improve your lifestyle habits?

Have you ever promised yourself that you will exercise more, start saving money or eat a healthier diet?

According to research, ~40% of people abandon their New Year Resolution after only one month.

I'm not for resolutions but I'm all for setting goals. But for most people, a mental shift is needed. As you go about your day and think about all the things that are making it hard for you to pursue your goal. To reach the end goal, you must embrace the steps in the process of getting there. Your thoughts matter. 

One of the most effective ways of enjoying the process of pursuing a goal is replacing that one word "have" with "get". Immediately, you should feel a sense of calm of what you "get" to do. Words like "need" or "have" or "must" can bring a sense of shame or guilt. In contrast, pursuing a goal with words like "want to" or "get to" can be much more motivating.

By replacing mandatory words like "I should" with empowering words like "I choose to" you are more likely to stick with the action plan needed to pursue your goal. Sometimes all you need is to reframe a situation and to change your perspective. 

If you are struggling with motivation or feel it's impossible to move forward with your goals, I encourage you to spend some time with these questions: 
 

2022 Reflection Questions
1. What is the best thing that happened? 
2. What challenges did you overcome?
3. What did you want to do but were too afraid to try?
4. What was the most important lesson you learned?
5. What new habits did you start?
6. How did you fail?
7. What got in the way of your success?
8. What did you struggle with?
9. What did you leave unfinished?
10. What did you do for your physical and mental health?

2023 Intention Questions
1. What do you intend to be different at the end of this year?
2. What do you want to accomplish?
3. What will be your purpose this year?
4. How will you make this year matter?
5. What opportunities do you want to create for yourself?
6. What do you want to change completely?
7. What personal qualities do you want to strengthen?
8. What skills do you want to learn?
9. How will you take care of yourself physically and mentally?
10. Who do you want to become this year?

As a reminder, most New Year's resolutions fail because there isn't much thought into the meaning behind the resolution and what it will take to achieve it. Your focus is likely centered on what will happen when you reach your goal and there is no planned-out process of actually achieving the resolution. Plus, there's often little meaning attached to the resolution - it's something that you feel you need to do. 

I'm all about self-improvement. Ultimately, you need to understand why you want to change and why it is what you want. Find purpose and meaning in every change of behavior, action, thought or habit. 

Do you have a behavior change mindset?

Think back to a time when you reached a goal. You likely experienced a great amount of attention, respect and recognition. There's nothing inherently wrong with the satisfaction you feel when you reach a goal, but being too focused on a specific outcome ruins the possibility of a different result. Anything less than reaching the goal may be considered a failure. Here lies the problem in goal setting.
The focus is on the outcome, not on the process.

Behavior change is hard. No matter how strongly you are motivated to reach a goal, creating a new system - or breaking a bad one - can be extremely difficult.

Shifting your focus away from an outcome and to your behaviors will allow you to get more out of the process - regardless if you achieve your goal. With a behavior change mindset, great satisfaction comes from the present moment. And when you are in the present moment, you can observe what behaviors you actually need to change.

According to the Four Classes of Human Experience, there are four different classes to categorize experiences (or behaviors).

A Class One Experience is something that feels good, is good for you, is good for others and serves the greater good.

Class Two is something that does not feel good, is good for you, is good for others and serves the greater good.

Class Three is something that feels good, is not good for you, is not good for others and does not serve the greater good.

Class Four is something that does not feel good, is not good for you, is not good for others and does not serve the greater good.

When you think about the behaviors that you want to change, what class do they fall into? Likely class three or four. 

By addressing your class three and four behaviors, you can move closer to class two and eventually to class one. Changing your lifestyle requires that you address behaviors that are not serving you well. As you move to class two, this is where the real change happens. You recognize that your new behaviors are uncomfortable, difficult and a bit foreign, but they are good for you and they serve you well.

A quality life isn't a goal. You shouldn't be driven to change just for an outcome. Life is what you make of it....every single day.

Change is a process, not an event.

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A Better Alternative to New Years Resolutions

 

On the eve of 2021, the classic tradition of New Year's resolutions may look a bit different.

In a year of living with restrictions, being let down, feeling unproductive, and not being able to make plans, you are probably looking ahead to the hopeful end of this pandemic and returning to a life of normal. 

Because of this unprecedented time, we are all feeling a bit reflective about the year that we leave behind us and this may be affected your expectations for 2021. 

For those who typically make resolutions, you may be feeling the need to do without in 2021 - "why bother?" you say to yourself. Or, perhaps you want to create a resolution for 2021, even though you have generally avoided them in previous years. 

As it relates to New Years Resolutions, to be honest, the meaning behind it all is somewhat impractical. Sorry to be a downer but there's got to be a better way to self-improvement. 

Here are a few reasons why New Year Resolutions don't always work: 

1. Don't wait all year to decide on one or two things that you sorta, kinda want to or need to stop doing. Plus, the timing's all wrong - after the holiday season and into the cold, dreary winter months you suddenly decide that now is when you can stay motivated and commit to change?? Putting a lot of pressure on yourself can lead to an all-or-nothing mentality, especially if you don't have a realistic action plan.
    
2. Although a resolution sounds great on the surface, it's often based on what you think you should be doing - often decided upon by other peoples expectations, what's trendy on social media or by watching TV/reading a magazine. A resolution should have meaning behind it and it should be something that is supported by your core values in life. It should be based on what's important and what matters to you. Don't tie a goal to the New Year because everyone else is doing it. What matters most to you?
   
   
3. They can make you feel less-then if you don't meet your standards. Even when you have great intentions with your resolution - like abstaining from alcohol, getting 8 hours of restful sleep, exercising for 60 minutes a day or avoiding processed foods - a resolution with specific rules is a huge undertaking. A simple slip up of your high expectations for yourself can lead to discouragement and disappointment. If you are extremely self-critical, by the time mid January rolls around, you may find yourself throwing in the towel or making rules more rigid. Feeling upset about lack of progress, your resolution may turn into unhealthy behaviors and habits. 
   
   
4. The real value is in the experience, not in the end result. Sure, you may be motivated to make a change but your resolution should allow you to still enjoy life right now, right where you are. Otherwise, you will continue to be on the hunt for meaning, happiness and a boost in confidence. Don't burden yourself with a perfectionistic outcome. Enjoy the process over the outcome.  
   
   
5. You need to set yourself up for success. I find that the best way to do this is to pause and to reflect on what you have learned about yourself in 2020. Instead of just looking ahead and wanting something different, do a bit of soul-searching and think about your 2020 lessons learned, challenges, highlights and takeaways. Once you do this, you can then set your intentions (not resolutions) for 2021.

2020 Reflection Questions

1. What is the best thing that happened? 

2. What challenges did you overcome?

3. When new skills did you learn?
4. What was the most important lesson that you learned?
5. What new habits did you start?
6. How did you fail?
7. What got in the way of your success?
8. Who or what had the biggest impact on your life?
9. What did you leave unfinished?
10. What did you do for your physical and mental health?

2021 Intention Questions
1. What do you intend to be different at the end of next year?
2. What do you want to accomplish?
3. What will be your purpose next year?
4. How will you make next year matter?
5. What opportunities do you want to create for yourself?
6. What do you want to change completely?
7. What personal qualities do you want to strengthen?
8. What skills do you want to learn?
9. How will you take care of yourself physically and mentally?
10. Who do you want to become next year?

As a reminder, most New Year's resolutions fail because there isn't much thought into the meaning behind the resolution and what it will take to achieve them. Your focus is centered on what will happen when you reach your goal and there is no planned-out process of actually achieving the resolution. Plus, there's often little meaning attached to the resolution - it's something that you feel you should do. 

I'm all about self-improvement. Ultimately, you need to understand why you want to change and why it is what you want. Find purpose and meaning in every change of behavior, action, thought or habit.