Happy 76th birthday dad

 

This picture fills me with a lot of emotions. First off, Campy is just over a year old. Look at the golden pup! Secondly, my dad - so positive and a lover of life - was only five years away from being diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer - which sadly ended his life 10 months later. 

It makes me so happy that Campy is still here. At 15 years old, he is 76 in human years - which is what my dad would have been today. But I'm sad that my dad didn't get to experience life after the age of 67.

What would you do if you only had five years left to live? I often think about this. My dad was waiting for retirement to travel with my mom. He was just a year away from making that decision. While he loved his job as a VA optometrist, he also had a lot of other hobbies - running, working in the yard, fixing things, making things, listening to music, collecting stamps, taking pictures, and so much more. I wonder if my dad knew that he didn't have a lot of years left, if he would have done things differently. 

Five years is an interesting length of time because it's still long enough to accomplish a lot but short enough that it feels like there is an urgent timeline. 

When my dad passed away, I realized that I didn't want to wait to live life. Though I grieve every day and I miss my dad tremendously, he helped me recognize that I needed to change the way I do things and think about life. It made me realize what's important in life and to chase the things that bring me joy. 

Happy Birthday dad. Thank you for teaching me to live for the present. 

Miss you Dad

 

For the past seven years, Father's day has been hard for me. This year is no different. But then again, today is no harder than any other day. After losing my dad to cancer, every day is Father's Day - I think about and miss my dad every single day. 

At first I wasn't going to write a Father's Day post. Acknowledging this day and not being able to show my dad how much I love him, makes today very hard. 

Today is not my first Father's Day without my dad. Since the age of 32, I've had to remember my dad instead of being with my dad. But I know I'm not alone. Others are missing their dad and Father's Day without a father is just plain hard.

I have so many wonderful memories with my dad. At swim meets, running events and triathlon races to academic accomplishments like graduating from college, earning a Master's degree and becoming a Registered Dietitian. And then there are milestones like starting my own business, getting married, adding a dog to our furry family and moving. He was always just a phone call away and I took advantage of that by calling him at least two or three times a day - every single day. He was patient, smart, kind, funny and handy. 

While I cherish those moments with my dad and I'm thankful for the person that I was able to call dad for 32 years, it hasn't been easy.  Beyond buying our first home, writing three books, adding more furry members to our family, trying to navigate through difficult life circumstances and experiencing personal and athletic accomplishments, it's the big things, little things and everything in between that makes me really miss my dad on Father's Day. I successfully reached adulthood but I still need my dad. It's all those moments and experiences that are the hardest.

I miss my dad every day. This Father's Day is no different. The grief is hard because my love for my dad was so strong. But my dad lived every day to the fullest and never wasted a day. I continue to do the same and know that my dad is still with me, every single day. 

If you are missing your dad (or father figure) today - especially if it's your first Father's Day without him - please know that you are not alone. Although grief is painful, love and comfort comes with loss. 

It can be hard to find the right words to describe how grateful you are to have had such a great relationship with your dad. Grief can be complicated. But your feelings and emotions are valid. It's ok to "feel" how you feel. 

But today, I choose to celebrate what I had with my dad, instead of being sad over what I no longer have. I had 32 incredible years with the best dad on this Earth. 

Dear Dad

Dear dad,

It's been six years since I last saw you, spoke to you, touched your hand and hugged you. Six years ago I had to say good-bye to you. The time we had together wasn't nearly enough. I only got to spend 32 years of my life with you as my dad. There are still so many questions that I need answers to and you are no longer just a phone call away.

I miss your words of wisdom. I miss your sense of humor. I miss your knowledge of everything. Not a day goes by when I don't think about what life would be like if you survived your 10-month fight with cancer.

When I find myself in a situation or scenario that leaves me confused, concerned or worried, I imagine what you would say or do if you were still here. I wish you were here to share in the happy moments and to help me through my struggles.

You left this world with so many great memories and you left people with a lot of great memories of you. You liked people and people liked you. You made people laugh. You always smiled. You were active and fit. You told the best stories. You always had time for others and you helped whoever you could with whatever you had. Thank you dad for your love. Thank you for being a kind, hard working human being who encouraged me to be the best person I can be and do the best I can in everything I wish to achieve. 

They say grief gets easier to bear as time goes by but I still miss you tremendously after all these years. I didn't know how big of a hole your passing would leave or how much loneliness I was about to experience. There's a lot of you in me, dad. You were my tower of strength. You gave me the best gift anyone could give another person - you were always there to support me. 

Thank you for the patience, love, guidance and understanding that you showed me in accepting me as I was. Thank you for being the best possible role model I could have hoped for in a dad. Thank you for supporting me in my every ambition and helping me through stressful times. You always taught me to never give up. Although life has been difficult without you, I promise I won't give up. You were the one who helped me to become the strong, hard working and passionate woman I am today.

Thank you for your constant love and support for the first 32 years of my life. I will continue to make you proud as you watch over me from above. 

Love, 

your daughter Marni

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Here's the tribute I wrote to my dad on the first year after his passing.
1 year ago.

Miss you dad....

Today marks four years since my dad passed away after his 10-month fight against cancer. Some days it feels like just yesterday when he left whereas other days it feels like forever ago. I miss him every day.

My dad was an incredible human being and I was so lucky to call him MY dad for 32 years of my life. I miss his guidance, his jokes, his support, his positive attitude and his love for me as his daughter. Some days are harder than others but my dad taught me so much in life, especially to never ever take a day for granted. After his passing, I found it important to honor his 67 years of life by staying strong and living my life to its fullest.

My dad taught me to....

1. Always smile
2. See the positive
3. Be nice
4. Never stop learning
5. Help others

While it's very hard to live life without my dad, I know he looks over me and shares every life experience, obstacle, setback and high-moment with me.

If you would like to learn more about my dad, here is a tribute that I wrote about my dad on Father's day after his passing.

1 year ago.....

One year ago today, the world lost a very special man. 

This man was a mentor, an educator, a great story teller and the chief optometrist of the New Port Richey VA clinic. 

He was a husband, father and son. A lover of life and someone who lived his entire life happy, patient, kind and supportive. 

This man was my dad. 

When a friend looses a family member/spouse, it is within our heart to be compassionate, sympathetic, empathetic and loving. 

When you are the one who loses a family member, your heart becomes empty because someone so very important to you, that you see or talk to all the time, is no longer sharing your life with you. 

Life presents many challenges but nothing was as hard as saying good bye to my dad one-year ago today. My dad lived his entire life as a strong, hard working, determined and busy man but sadly, he could not win on his 10-month fight with cancer. 

But as a lover of life, he sure fought hard. 

When I lost my dad, my sadness had me asking "why my dad?" 

Everyone in my family was upset that my dad, who had remained so healthy and active throughout his entire life, had to be the one who lost his life so early, at the age of 67. 

There were many times in the first few months after my dad's passing when I would find myself crying and saying "it's just not fair." We all grieve differently and although I forced myself to continue to love my life and never waste a day (just like my dad had always encouraged me to do), every now and then it would just weigh heavy on my heart that my dad could no longer live the life that he loved to live.  

I talked to my dad almost every day. When he was diagnosed with cancer, I called him every single day. 

Karel, Campy and I would visit my dad (and my mom) almost once every month from June 2014 to May 2014, driving 4 hours just to make more memories with my dad. 

Although I now no longer find myself asking "why my dad?" I now find myself most sad when something happens in my life, and he is no longer here to experience it with me. I find myself constantly experiencing new things in life and wishing that my dad was still here to share life with us. 

My mom has stayed incredibly strong and since my parents had their house on the market when Karel and I moved to Greenville last May, my mom is now settling into Greenville, making friends and staying busy. We also do a great job keeping her busy as Karel and I are constantly looking for fun ways to explore nature and stay active so my mom joins in on the fun (and also serves as a great Campy babysitter - which she loves). 

So much has happened over the past year that it's hard to really begin to explain how much I miss my dad. I feel like I did my best to stay strong and to continue on with life but something inside of me still hurts, that I have to do this for another year and many more years to come. 

My dad loved watching my brother and I participate in sports. He was so proud of his two student athlete children - in college it was gymnastics for my brother (he competed at University of Michigan) and swimming for me (first year at IUP and then sophomore until senior year at Transylvania University in my hometown of Lexington, KY). He spent many years driving us to practices, whether it was 4:45am for me or 6pm for Aaron. I always remember my dad being there for us - nothing was more important in his life than being there to support my brother Aaron and me. 

My dad walked me down the aisle when I married Karel in October of 2008 and even when my dad was recovering from his spinal surgery, he found the strength to walk down the aisle at my brothers wedding to Dana in Pittsburgh in September of 2013 (for one of the first times in three months). 

After graduate school, I started racing triathlons. No longer was my dad watching me race for less than 3 minutes but instead, he was standing on the sidelines with my mom for over 10 hours during my Ironman triathlon competitions. 

My dad never lived long enough to see Karel race in an Ironman but he spent many years hearing about Karel as a cat 1 cyclist and even attending some of his local cycling races around the Tampa Bay/Clearwater area. My dad was a great photographer! My dad was alive when Karel finished an Ironman in 2013 when we raced our first Ironman together in Lake Placid.

 My dad would have been so happy to know how well Karel is doing in triathlons these days especially with us both qualifying for the 2015 Ironman World Championships. And of course, as a fellow runner, I know he would have constantly kept asking Karel how fast he is running these days (my dad always knew Karel had the need for speed - whether it was in a car, on a bike or on two feet). 

Beyond athletics, my dad was very proud of his children. My brother works for Ernst & Young which is the third largest professional services firm in the world. As for me, well Karel and I have our own small business (Trimarni Coaching and Nutrition), which has been a long-time dream for me.
I watched my dad for many, many years, enjoy his job and never sought an early retirement. He never ever complained about working. I always desired something similar in my career so after 9 years of higher education, I found a career that is rewarding, fulfilling and really makes me happy. I have my dad to thank for always supporting me and for never letting me give up on my dreams. 

Just over a month ago, Karel and I bought our first home. This was years in the making and really a dream come true for us because we have worked very hard and have saved a lot to be able to afford a place that we can call our own in Greenville, SC. Karel came to the US with only a backpack and I remember once having negative dollars in my bank account after graduate school. My dad was all about hard work and he taught us that all the time. 

As much as I loved having my dad support me in athletics and in my career, I constantly find myself saying "Dad would  know how to do/fix that" when we talk about things around our new house. Whereas once I was sad because I didn't understand why my dad's life was taken way too early, I find myself now getting sad more often, just because he knew how to do everything - and he enjoyed helping us when we didn't know how to do something. 

 I wish my dad was here to go to Lowe's with Karel. My dad would know exactly what we need for our house/lawn/garage. My dad had every tool and he loved working on projects. He was a skilled craftsman and was a wonderful landscaper. 

I often find myself imagining how excited my dad would have been to work on projects with Karel around our new home. Karel and my dad had a great relationship for they shared so many things in common - like cars, electronics, gadgets. 

I can't believe it's been a year since I lost my dad. I really don't know how time can just pass like that. It feels like yesterday when I said good-bye. 

My dad rests peacefully here in Greenville, SC. Every time Karel and I travel somewhere to make memories together, we find the perfect rock from nature, to put on my dad's grave site. This is our way of bringing my dad with us wherever we go and wherever life takes us.
When Karel and I race, we wear my dad's favorite Corvette hats. 

On Sunday I will celebrate my 33rd birthday. For almost 32 years, I had the honor of calling Dr. Jim Rakes, my dad. I am thankful for my mom and dad bringing me into this world, and for raising me to be who I am today. 

I will never forget how amazing of a dad I had - he was so supportive to me and my brother (and a great father in law to Karel and Dana). I will always remember what a wonderful husband he was to my mom and just a one-of-a-kind person that everyone wanted to be around. 

I'm so thankful that my dad was always there for me in my life growing up as I have so many memories to hold on to for the rest of my life. Even though my dad's life is gone, I know he is still guiding me, supporting me and encouraging me, everyday of my life. 

Love you dad. 

Finding the right words on this Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I realize that my vegetarian lifestyle isn't best well suited for this holiday but for me, it's not about the food. 

When I was growing up, we always celebrated Thanksgiving together as a family. My brother, my mom and dad and any relatives who could drive/fly to be with us. Sometimes we would go out of state and sometimes we would be at home in Lexington, KY. 

When I was in college, I really looked forward to being with my family because I didn't see them all the time like I did growing up and throughout High School. As a high school and collegiate swimmer, the holiday season was often our high volume time of the year so  my carb-rich heavy feast was very well enjoyed (and useful) for my active body especially when I looked forward to a 8,000-10,000+ yard swim session the day after Thanksgiving. 

After college, I moved to Florida for graduate school and luckily, my dad got a job in Florida as well (at the VA clinic as the chief Optometrist) so my mom and dad were no longer in Kentucky but instead, just 3.5 hours away from me.

I remember my very first Thanksgiving in my new home of FL at my parents house and it occurred on the same day as my first longest run ever. I was training for the Miami Marathon and my run was 14 miles. I had never ran that long before!  I was so incredibly sore, I could barely move to drive up to my parents home. But I was so excited to see my family as it had been a few months since I had seen them, probably the longest I had ever gone without seeing my parents at one time. My brother traveled home from UMichigan to be with us as well. It was a really lovely time to have our family together in our new home. 

After graduate school, I found myself with negative dollars in my bank account (graduate student with a new endurance triathlon and running obsession) and with a very expensive Master of Science degree in Exercise Physiology. So, what's a daughter to do than to move-in with my parents. This was just 6 months before I met Karel and less than a year before my first Ironman. 

I remember celebrating Thanksgiving in 2006 with my parents and my boyfriend Karel (who as you know, is from Czech and has his entire family in Czech Republic). I was now an Ironman finisher so that was the on the conversation list over our meal and once again, I just loved being with my family and having them get to know Karel. My brother was now in Pittsburgh so it was always great to see him when he could get away from work for the holiday. 

When Karel and I moved to Jacksonville FL for his new job as the GM of the Trek Bicycle Store, the Thanksgiving holiday was always a busy time for him as it is for everyone in the retail industry. Overtime, I became a RD and had a PRN position as a clinical RD so I didn't mind relieving the other RDs at Baptist Medical Center Beaches around the holiday as I knew Karel had to work the day after Thanksgiving anyway.  It was only 1-2 times in the past 6 years that I can remember not spending Thanksgiving with my family and that is probably the only time I have never spent Thanksgiving with my family. 

Last year was a very special Thanksgiving. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with my dad. And unlike the last 31 years with my mom and dad, that Thanksgiving was not the easiest of holidays to celebrate.

My dad was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic cancer to his spine in June 2014, had major spinal surgery a few weeks later and was not given a good diagnosis  if he would ever walk again nor the survival rate of someone who is otherwise perfectly healthy and fit with this type of aggressive cancer. 

After many visits to my parents home (3.5 hours from Jacksonville) in June and July and then before and after we raced in IM Lake Placid, I knew that this Thanksgiving may be our last Thanksgiving together as a family. I didn't want to convenience myself that it would be true but I wanted to make sure I didn't take this Thanksgiving for granted. 

Funny how things work out because in October, there were some changes at the Trek Store and Karel and I discussed our options and decided it would be a great time to grow Trimarni Coaching and Nutrition.  This was an overwhelming time for us with so many changes but like always, I reached out to my dad who always gave the best advice and when we told him what we were considering, he could not have been more supportive. 

The best thing about the recent change with Karel leaving the Trek Store was that it allowed us to have more time visiting my family. The hospital completely understood my situation so rather than spending just a few days with my family, we were able to spend a full week (and Campy too) making memories with my dad. 

My dad worked hard and learned to walk again. After 3 months with a spine brace, wound vac and walker (and assistance with all daily activities) and loads of medications, radiation, chemo.....my dad made it down the aisle for my brothers wedding in Pittsburgh in the end of September and continued improving his strength to be able to move around the house by Thanksgiving with his walker, by himself. He prepared the Turkey, made me my  out-of-the-bird stuffing like always and even made sure to save some leftovers for Campy. With all that had been going on my dad lost a lot of weight and had little appetite but Thanksgiving seemed to turn things around as his appetite came back just in time for a few of his favorite eats. 

I am two days away from my favorite holiday to be with my family and I find myself holding back the tears because it will be without my dad. I'm so happy that my mom is now a Greenville resident and my aunt, uncle and cousin will be joining us for Thanksgiving. 

It was exactly 6 months ago today when I had my last chat with my dad (on the phone) when he was in Moffitt hospital. I remember the day so clearly. I remember talking to my dad a few times that weekend which was rather unusual since I usually talk to him once a day. But I just had so much to tell him as it was my first time exploring Greenville for training and I couldn't wait to tell him that I climbed Ceaser's Head with Karel and went for a lake swim in Lake Jocassee with our friends and told him about all the beautiful places in Greenville that I couldn't wait for him to see when him and my mom would move to Greenville (they had their house on the market). I knew my dad was not feeling good but he remained his normal cheery self and wanted to hear more from me than to talk about himself. What happened next was not expected.  

The next time I would see my dad would be a day later on life support. Two days later, my life changed forever.

On May 28th, I lost my dad to his 10-month fight with Cancer. Since that time, I have had to experience life without him for the past 6 months. No longer is my dad around for me to talk to about life, training, questions and to catch up. 

I look back at all the years we had together (3 days short of 32 years together) and all the Thanksgiving's that we spent together as a family. 

Thanksgiving is a holiday that you will likely find me yumming a bit more than normal but for me, the holiday is not about the food. 

As Julia Child said "People who love to eat are always the best people."

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to surround yourself with friends and family and to reflect. It's an opportunity to yum over a meal that was created on traditions, stories and laughs. It's an opportunity to slow down and give to those who are less fortunate and to be grateful for your gifts. It's an opportunity to be kind and loving to those who are most important in your life but also to those who you need a smile from you. 

I wanted to share my love of this holiday with you because it is one of my favorite times to be around family. Here are a few things that I would love for you not to say on your Thanksgiving day to ensure that you get the most out of this special holiday. Regardless if you are with friends, family or alone, remember to give thanks to your awesome body. 

Instead of saying "I shouldn't be eating this"

Say "I rarely eat this. I am so excited for this occasional opportunity to indulge responsibly."

Instead of saying "I hate that food!"

Say "I haven't yet learned to appreciate it yet."

Instead of saying "That food is off-limit."
Say "The reason why I do not eat that food is because ______ but that doesn't mean that you can not enjoy it. There is no such thing as bad foods."

Instead of saying "I hate cooking."
Say "This is a great opportunity for me to be challenged in the kitchen and to be inspired by new recipes and meals."

Instead of saying "I'm worried I'll eat too much."

Say "Rather than having second portions, I am going to make a plate of food to give to someone in need of food."

Instead of saying "I'm going to start my diet tomorrow."
Say "I realize that I ate a bit more than normal but a quick fix will not make yesterday's occasional feast go away. I promise myself that I will not go into the meal starving and will eat controlled portions so I can enjoy a little of everything without food guilt."

Instead of saying "I have no idea how I will burn off all these calories!"

Say "I am going to aim to move my body a bit more than normal next week. Nothing extreme but I will walk more, take the stairs and enjoy all of my planned workouts."

Instead of saying "I am so bad around _______ food/drink."
Say "I recognize that I am still working on my relationship with food. I am learning how to enjoy a more varied diet or I am learning how to eat more mindfully. I am not going to feel anxious about the foods that I am presented but instead, take positive action by allowing myself to make Thanksgiving not just about the food. I am going to be good with my food choices so that this holiday makes me a better me."

Instead of saying "I ate too much"
Say "I am grateful for all of this food. Now I will help someone else in need by volunteering my time or donating money to someone who needs it."

Instead of saying "I feel so fat!"
Say "I know that fat is not a feeling. Sometimes I can feel overwhelmed with so much food around me and I often find myself uncomfortable in my own skin. But I need to change that feeling because this same body has allowed me to ________ (ex. cross a finish line, care for your children, get a bonus/promotion at work, etc.). Not eating, dietiting or overexercising will not make everything perfect. I love and accept myself and I take full responsibility of what I put into my body and I want to feel good with all of my food choices."

Instead of saying "I don't want to go back to work on Monday."
Say "I feel so lucky that I am healthy and well and I can make the most out of every day of my life. I am excited to start another week and to continue to work hard for my goals in life and to make memories with my friends and family. I am lucky I have a great job that allows me to put yummy food in my body an also to pay for my active lifestyle."

Instead of saying "I hate my body."
Say "Thank you body for giving me another year of life. I look forward to tomorrow with you."

Happy Father's Day - A tribute to my dad

It was three weeks ago when I had my last conversation with my dad on the phone. My dad was at the hospital in Tampa because he had not been feeling well and I had discussed with my mom about flying home to help her out in the next week. While living in Jax, I was only 3.5 hours away from my parents and Karel and I would visit often, driving there at least once a month. Although Karel and I moved 10 hours north of my parents just 4 weeks ago, it was part of the big plan that my parents would move as well, so we would all be together. 

Throughout my dad’s heroic 10-month fight with his stage IV cancer, my dad never complained, never had any self-pity and never asked anyone close in his life to stop what they were doing just because my he was ill.  If anything, my dad wanted to live so badly because he wanted to share life with his family. Even with so much going on in my dad’s life over the past 10 months, my dad never stopped being a great dad, no matter how much pain he was in or what he was experiencing. 

(And I must mention that my mom deserves a super-woman award for being the best caregiver for my dad and also taking on many new roles while my dad was ill.)

Karel and I had just finished a tough weekend of training in Greenville on Memorial weekend  and  Karel and I couldn’t wait to tell my dad all about the miles we had covered as well as the scenery we enjoyed while climbing Ceasar’s head on our bikes, swimming in Lake Jocassee with our friends and to talk about Campy (my dad's "furry Grandson"). It was not uncommon for me to call my dad and/or mom every day for I am very close to my parents. Karel was also very close to my dad.

After I got off the phone with my dad on that Sunday evening (25^th), something inside me wanted me to call back my dad just an hour after we talked. I never do that but I had this urge to call him again. I called his cell but a nurse answered and he was busy so I just told the nurse that I just wanted to say hi again to my dad but that he didn’t need to call me back and that I would just call him tomorrow.

When I told my dad that I loved him before I hung up the phone that evening, that was the last time that I heard my dad’s voice. I flew home the next morning and for three days while my dad was on life support, I was able to say my good-byes and spend a little father-daughter time with the most important man in my life.

I never imagined having to say good bye to my dad, my best friend, my mentor, my role model and my biggest fan, especially just shy of 32 years of age. 

I was told that when you lose someone who is close to you, the next year is filled with firsts. Three days after my dad passed away, I celebrated my 32^nd birthday.

And now it is Father’s day and I cannot search for that perfect funny tool or car-rleated card that I know my dad love and put up proudly in his VA clinic optometry office.

In 7 days from today, Karel and I will head to Europe for my first international Ironman and my 8^th Ironman and Karel’s 2^nd Ironman in Austria. We will then spend a week with Karel’s family in Czech Republic.

I do not write this to share my grieving with the world but instead, to encourage everyone who is reading this blog right now to never take a day for granted.

For 67 years, my dad lived an amazing life. He worked hard and played hard. Even though my dad’s life was taken way too early, his life was a great one. My dad was always there for me and performed every dad duty just perfectly. If I could, I would give him a zillion gold stars and a dad of the year (multiple years) award.

I will never forget my dad and all that he taught me in my life. He helped me with school, my career, sports, life questions, marriage and money and so much more.

I know that my dad will be missed by so many, not only my mom (his best friend), my brother and our family, but also the many people who got to know him and the many patients at the VA, students and residents who knew  "Dr Rakes". 

Above all, my dad was such a delight to be around and gave so much positive energy wherever he was. My dad loved to smile because he was always happy. My dad didn’t know how to have a bad day. My dad was intelligent, helpful, supportive, caring, funny, nurturing, talented, fit and well, so awesome that I am super lucky that he was my dad.

Because my dad will always be in my heart with whatever I do in life, I want to use today to celebrate some of the great qualities that I loved about my dad.

STRENGTH

The odds were against my dad since his cancer diagnosis in June 2013. However, my dad never ever gave up on life. There were some incredibly hard days, like getting a major spinal surgery and being told that the chance of walking again was minimal. I think my dad heard this as a challenge for if you tell someone who has ran 3 miles a day for the last 23 years, my dad was ready to beat those odds.

Even though I was nearing my taper for Ironman Lake Placid, my training involved being there for my dad. You better believe that my dad had the best diet in the hospital thanks to his RD daughter (and he was proud to tell the doctors and nurses this too J ). My dad was also proud to tell everyone about his Ironman daughter and his “soon to be” Ironman son-in-law. It was a running joke that Karel was "only" a cyclist so Karel was excited to show my dad that he could swim and run as well. Even though this was my first Ironman without my parents on the sidelines cheering me on, Karel and I made my dad proud and we both had great races and I even qualified for Kona for the third time. It wasn't the same experience crossing the finish line without my parents there but nevertheless, my mom and dad were super proud!

My dad was on a mission to walk before my brother’s wedding in September and with a lot and lot of hard work, he did it! My dad walked down the aisle 3 months after his major spinal surgery! When doctors told my dad that the odds were small, my dad never stopped giving up. 

My dad fought really hard with his cancer and this was a very big lesson for me. Never ever give up. Sometimes life just sucks and seems so unfair but you can never ever give up on life. Always believe that you can come out a winner, even if the odds are against you. 

I apply this a lot in training for triathlons for many times the odds were against me to have a great race due to injuries, school, life, etc. but thanks to my mental coach/best friend Gloria and the mindset of my dad, it's easier to just give up than it is to keep on working hard. And me and my dad love hard work.

And not only did Dad have the best human crew to help him out, therapy dog Campy has loved the past 10-months with my dad. Let's be honest here, Campy loves any good lap to snuggle in but Campy knew my dad needed him. My dad was always excited to share the couch with Campy.
My dad had this super soft purple blanket that he used during his chemo days at home when he rested. Campy was very found of this blanket and many times, Campy would win and my dad would let Campy have this soft blanket and he would get another blanket to keep him warm. Talk about a spoiled dog! Campy has the blanket with us here in Greenville and loves to use it every day to snuggle in.

As many people know, Campy  always stays at "Resort a Grandparents" when Karel and I travel for races and he always tells me that he gets super spoiled by my mom and dad. I am so grateful for my parents for even though I have no human children, I do not know what I would have done for the past 6 years without them taking such good care of Campy when I was away. 

GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR

 My dad was great at so many things but he had a great sense of humor and was an amazing story teller. My dad always knew the right thing to say at the right time in serious situations but he had this great ability to know what to say to turn my frowns upside down. My dad would send me funny texts and pictures (see below) and even through his last 10 months of life, living with an incurable case of cancer,  he still knew how to make a joke, tell a story or make us laugh.

My dad was always active and on the go so as you can imagine, going from super active to being on bed rest was incredibly hard for my dad. But he found every way to stay healthy through exercise and through his diet. In addition to PT, my dad had arm weights to perform in his char while sitting and my dad bought pedals to spin his legs while sitting. He told Karel that all he needed was some aero bars in order to be as fast as Karel – pictured below.

Karel even surprised my dad one day by setting up my old hybrid bike on a very old and not-working trainer. Karel worked his magic to get the trainer to work so dad could sit on the bike and watch TV and pedal for exercise. My dad was so happy about this and he told us that when he moved to Greenville, he couldn’t wait to buy a bike to ride.

My dad also walked on his treadmill after he learned to walk again - albeit less than 1.5 miles per hour most of time, it was still movement and something was better than nothing. 

My dad was just as funny as he was sensitive. My dad never tried to make light of a serious situation but instead, he was all about making people happy and being comforting. From his family to his students to his patients, he really was a special human being for being able to always see the best in every moment. 

Sad bananas

Happy pancakes!

Ready for his aerobars! 

PASSIONATE

If you knew my dad, you would likely know some of his favorite things.

My dad loved his corvette. He even bought a special license plate just to personalize his favorite car. Believe it or not, my dad’s corvette did not get driven a lot. It sat in the garage and went outside once a week around the neighborhood on Sunday. My dad loved sitting in his car in the garage, just listening to music. When my dad was unable to drive, the car sat in the garage and when Karel and I would visit, Karel would "have to" drive it around the neighborhood to keep the car healthy. Karel never had trouble with this chore J

A few other things that my dad was passionate about:

Fazolis – if you ever get a chance to eat at this “fast food” restaurant (which was very popular in Lexington, KY where I spent the first 21 years of my life), you can order the spaghetti and meatballs and dry breadsticks and yum for my dad. That was his favorite dish. When my dad found out that there was a Fazoli’s in South Carolina, my dad told us that once a month he was going to drive the few hours there to eat there for since we moved to Florida, my dad has missed his favorite place to eat!

Astronomy, stamp collecting, electronics – not only did my dad know everything but he was passionate about his hobbies. My dad always told me to get a hobby that was not triathlon/nutrition related and I have really struggled with this. Recently, Karel planted me a garden for my birthday so I would like to continue this as one of my hobbies. When Karel and I were engaged, my dad introduced Karel to fish and gave Karel a 30 gallon fish tank that my dad had laying around the house. My dad always had fish as an adult and he wanted Karel to share this hobby with him. Little did my dad know that Karel would become a fish expert! We went from owning a 30 gallon tank to now having a 90-gallon tank (pic below) and a 55-gallon tank (both fresh water). I know that father always knows best but it was fun to see Karel and my dad talk fish because I think Karel eventually knew more than my dad on that topic and my dad would actually reach out to Karel for fish-related questions. 

Taking pictures – well, now you know where I get it! My dad always loved taking pictures of me and my brother at sporting events (and Karel at cycling races) and he was also there with a camera (or video camera) to record/capture every special moment in our life or traveling. I am so thankful that my dad was so camera happy for I have so many great pictures to remember my childhood. Before my dad passed away, he spent many months, after work each day and weekends, putting every childhood video from a tape on to a DVD for me. I am not ready yet but I know when I am, I will be so happy to watch those childhood movies.

Duct tape – did you know that this fixes everything? Well, according to my dad it does.

Oh – wondering what the license plate reads? 

“I EXAMINE EYES"

My dad let Aaron and me come up with a license plate and I think Aaron and my dad were the most creative. This was just perfect for my dad who was an optometric physician for the VA for almost 40 years!

And speaking of license plates, there was an ongoing trend that my dad's patients would give him license plates when they would see him. He had over 150 license plates from all over and some really cool plates! He hung them in his office above all of his credentials. 

Campy even got to ride in the Corvette!

I XMN II

I EXAMINE EYES

Our 90-gallon tank

BIGGEST FAN

My dad always had time for his family. Between my mom and my dad, they would drive my brother Aaron and me to every practice (swimming for me, gymnastics for my brother) and would be at every one of our meets. If we both had a meet on the same weekend, they would split up.

My dad always believed in us but never pushed us or pressured us to be the best. My brother and I both spent our college years as student athletes and my dad continued to support us however we needed in order for us to stay active as competitive athletes while pursuing a degree.

Little did my dad and mom know that both my brother and I would continue onto graduate school and stay active with racing (I turned to triathlons and my brother has enjoyed training for half marathons). I received a Master of Science in exercise physiology from FAU in 2005 and my brother graduated with a Master of Business from Carnegie Mellon Tepper school of business in 2011. My dad always encouraged us to work hard for what we want in life, whether it is working for a big business (my brother works for Ernst & Young) or owning your own small business (yay Trimarni!). My dad never told us that there was a right way (or only way) to make a career and to support yourself in life but instead, to do something in life that truly makes you happy as you help others.

My dad never tried to impress someone and I think in today's society, I was always impressed how he really didn't try to be popular or look for ways to get attention. Today, experts are all about getting their name out in a big way and being extreme with how they provide info to the public.
My dad was an amazing writer and speaker and teacher. He had a great following and because of my dad's reputation, he was popular in his own bubble. He was an expert at what he did and it showed.

My parents went to my first 5 Ironmans. Never complaining about the long day or how exhausting it was to spectate. My parents loved volunteering at my races, especially Kona and before Karel raced triathlons (in his cycling –only years), my parents loved having Karel around to find the perfect spot to cheer for me on my race courses. 

Some of my best memories with my dad are sharing my love for sports with him. Even if he didn't understand every detail of the sport, he always shared his excitement with me when I talked about triathlons.

One of my most favorite memories was in 2012 when I raced the Iron Girl half marathon. Coincidentally, every year my dad would have a big optometry conference in Clearwater, on the same day as the Iron Girl running race. Whereas the other optometrists would complain about no parking or the traffic, my dad had his camera ready and a good excuse to excuse himself out of an early morning session to watch me finish my race.

I told my dad that I was hoping to finish top 10 so as my dad was waiting for me to run by behind the leaders around 500 yards or so from the finish line, it was a total surprise for my dad to see me as the leader. My dad didn't even expect me so I gave him a big fist pump as I was sprinting to the finish, on my way to winning my first race. My dad was so skilled he was still able to catch a quick pic of me!

My dad was so proud of me and of course, couldn't stop showing his friends at the conference his pictures of me winning the race that the other optometrists were complaining about. Thanks dad for always being there for me!

FITNESS

Health and fitness have always been part of my routine but also part of my upbringing. My parents never made my brother and me be athletes but instead providing us with athletic opportunities. I also played piano all my life until college and my brother took part in dance. We both went to an arts school for middle school. 

Staying active was just part of our life and we never had or desired video games but instead, wanted to play outside or be with our friends at our sport practices. 

My parents made things happen so that we could be active with our sports for I know that that wasn't always easy to pay for both me and my brother and all of our races, travels, etc.

My parents worked really hard to give us a great life but I am so thankful that sports were part of it and it was just about schooling. 

I learned a lot from sports that I now apply to all areas in my life. 

I couldn't be more grateful that my parents gave me so many amazing opportunities as a student athlete all my life and that I still have their support as an adult age group triathlete. I love moving my body and I am so thankful to have a healthy body that lets me enjoy life by swimming, biking and running. 

Kona undies run

FAMILY

I don't think I can say it enough but I have a great family. We are super close and we all get along. Even though my dad is no longer with us, my dad is now part of a bigger family for both Aaron and me married our best friends. My dad will live on in so many of us!
Karel's family lives in Czech and as you can imagine, it was very hard for Karel to be alone for the first 6 years of living in America with no family. Karel and I met in 2006 and instantly, Karel and my dad got along. Karel is very much like my dad in so many ways and I think that's why I feel incredibly lucky to have married Karel.
I am lucky that I have a dad in Czech and I know Karel's family in Czech was always thankful for my parents, for they welcomed Karel into their lives and home and gave their son love and support, as if he was their own son.
My dad was able to walk down the aisle in my wedding to Karel in 2008 and Aaron's wedding to Dana in 2013. We will never forget those special days which united our family.  

GREAT MARRIAGE

My parents had 36 wonderful years of marriage. I look up to my parents.

My mom and dad were best friends.

My dad and mom complimented each other and loved sharing life together.

They raised two great kids through their hard work and devotion to being great parents and made sure to make time for themselves, taking the occasional trip alone to make more memories as husband and wife, not just as parents.

My dad and mom knew how to communicate. They shared everything together and showed each other a lot of love.

They were a great team and I hope that Karel and I can continue to have the marriage that my parents had - they were married for more years than I have been alive!

I know it's hard in life to just take risks and make things happen but life is short. My parents had a lot of dreams of trips to take after my dad retired and those trips will never happen. I am not saying that you have to sacrifice things in life to travel or to do something that you have always wanted to do but ask yourself if there will ever be the right time to do something? What are you waiting for? 

There's nothing better than experiencing life, especially if you are willing to work hard in life to make memories. 

Don't just work hard without the play time that you deserve.  

And when you are ready to take your trip or to do something for the first time, don't forget your camera to capture those special moments!

LOVER OF LIFE

My dad was patient. He never rushed life. My dad didn't mind traffic for it was a great time to listen to the AM radio.

My dad never wasted a minute. He was engaged in everything that he did, from yardwork, to watching old movies, to listening to the oldies on his radio, to projects around the house, to work ....with everything he was focused and passionate.

My dad really loved life and that was the ongoing motto that kept my dad going during his 10-month fight with cancer. He constantly told doctors that he wanted to live. 

My biggest sadness with my dad being gone is now, not being able to share life with him. I have the same passion for life as my dad and I do not plan on slowing down (not until my body makes me). 

Make sure you are making every day count so you don't look back one day and tell yourself that you wasted so many days, weeks or years. Wake up excited for the day and go to bed excited for tomorrow. It's a simple way to live in such a complicated world. 

MENTOR, TEACHER AND FRIEND

When I was working on my dad's obituary, I came across something so special on the internet:

Who was your favorite instructor during your time at IUSO? Why?

“I would have to say Jim Rakes.  He taught ocular pharmacology at a time when Optometry in Indiana was moving more and more to pharm treatment. He was young, knowledgeable and encouraged the third-year students to pursue treatment.” - Dr. Morrow

When I reached out to Dr. Morrow (thank goodness for the internet and Google), he responded back when I told him of my dad's passing, 

"I had a great respect for Dr Rakes.  He was a skilled clinician and a very good teacher in the classroom.  He was not much older than me and I think that was one thing that really impressed me that he was that good and knowledgeable at such a young age.  He was truly an inspiring professor for me and I believe my classmates.  IU was lucky to have had him teach at the school."

My mom and I received a lot of wonderful cards, emails and messages from people who knew my dad and I just love reading how my dad made an impact in the lives of others. He loved helping others through his knowledge and he was liked by everyone. 

Here is one more special email that I received from a female doctor that worked with my dad for 2 years at the VA in New Port Richey, FL. 

"I am very saddened by this news, I am certain you don't need me to tell you this, but he was a wonderful human being. I will immensely miss him.  I have very fond memories of him; he was one of the smartest optometrists I knew, compassionate, and with a great sense of humor.  I have sent him several emails in the past few months wishing him a speedy recovery, sometimes even sending him a few funny articles about women vs. men (something he and I always joked about), parenting, and lighthearted politics (if there is such a thing) in hopes to brighten up his day.  At work he was my father figure, someone I always looked up to, seeking advice from not just about optometry but also about kids, knowing that he and his wife raised two wonderful children he was always speaking so proudly of.   He was a remarkable person. "

I could go on and on... my dad was amazing in so many ways. He was a special person in this world and he will be missed by so many.  

Thank you for reading.  

For me, Father's day was every day now I will always have a special spot in my heart for my dad.

  

Cheers to life...make it a great one!

Ironman Austria - let the countdown begin

Wow - can this really be true? We are leaving for Europe in 10 days and Karel and I will be racing Ironman Austria together on June 29th! 

This will be my 8th Ironman (thank you body!) and Karel's 2nd Ironman. 

After spending a week in Klagenfurt Austria we will be spending a week in Znojmo, Czech Republic to spend time with Karel's mom and dad. This will be Karel's 2nd time back to Czech Republic since 2000 and the last time was last May when we traveled together for my first trip to Europe. 

It's hard to summarize how I am feeling right now mentally and physically with everything that has gone on in our life in the past few months. I'm sure many people can relate to my situation of life changing in an instant, a lot of big changes happening around the same time and a lot of changes happening over a period an extended period of time. I won't deny it that there have been a lot of life changes for me lately.

My dad and I shared a great passion for life, where we loved making memories just as much as we loved the experiences and opportunities that we created (and were given to us) in life. 

Although my life has certainly been disrupted in many ways over the past few months, I haven't forgotten (or pushed aside) the things in my life that make me smile. 

Even though I can no longer make my daily phone call to my dad to tell him about my day, I can not stop living the life that my dad loved to share with me and that I loved to share with my dad.

I believe that the most important lesson in life is to love life and many times, this requires us to not give up when times are tough and life doesn't seem fair. 

If we want a life that makes us smile and makes us happy, we must remember that there is no such thing as a perfect life. 

Many situations in life just suck and are not fair. And as we all know, life sometimes has really bad timing. 

But that's life. 

You can't control situations but you can control how you deal with them.

If we don't give up on life, we have the ability to make a lot more memories in our future than if we would thrown in the towel and convince the mind that it just isn't worth it, it won't ever happen or it won't ever work. 

Life is going to continue for us even when bad things happen. But I hope that if you have a situation in life (now or later) that is troublesome, that you do not consider even the thought of giving up. 

Never give up on your goals or your dreams for you only have one chance at life and I know my dad would agree that ever day is worth living, especially if it is a day when you can make some fantastic memories. 

Living in Greenville - a dream come true

My dad volunteering and making sure my number was perfect before the 2011 Ironman World Championship. 

I learned a lot from my dad in my almost 32 years with him but year after year as I became an adult, I discovered that I had a lot in common with my dad. 

Maybe that was because he was the best role model and mentor. 

We both love the outdoors.

We love to travel, especially road trips. 

We love to laugh and smile. 

We love physical fitness.

We love science.

We love public speaking and teaching others.

We love to stay busy. 

. 

I remember so much about my dad because we were very close and on top of that, we have a very close family. 

But one thing that my dad always taught me was to never wait for something. Whether it's a goal, a dream or a chore, get it done now and don't wait until tomorrow. 

I remember that my dad always being great at getting things done. I would say he was a very accomplished man from work as an Optometric Physician to electronics to yardwork to helping my brother and I out whenever needed (school and sports) and with craftsmanship. He never said that he would get to something tomorrow, he didn't have time or that something could wait. If we needed something or if he needed to get something done, he was on it with a plan and a mission. 

My dad was never about short-cuts or making excuses. He believed in patience alongside hard work and diligence. 

Although my brother and I always knew that we could ask my dad for anything and he would find a way to get/give us what we wanted, we never took this for granted or took advantage of this. Instead, we watched my dad go after what he wanted to do in life without any complaints or hesitation and no matter how overwhelming of a task, he would work until it was done right. Rather than making my dad do everything for us, we accepted this special trait as something that was extremely important in life.

It saddens me that my dad was not able to enjoy Greenville with Karel and me (and soon my mom). My parents put their house on the market not too long ago but as we all know, life isn't always fair. 

Although Karel and I hesitated with the idea of moving our business out of state because of the overwhelming task to leave our comfort zone in Jacksonville, I wasn't surprised when I heard my dad's response when I told him our tentative plan to move 6.5 hours north to Greenville, SC. 

He first wanted to learn more about the city and then he wanted to know our plans. That's a dad for ya. 

But when he learned more about Greenville and discovered that it would give Karel and I the lifestyle that we craved with a great location to grow our business, he was on board and couldn't wait to join us in the mountains. 

My dad was a go-getter. If something needed to be done, he would do it. And if he had no idea what to do, he would make sure he learned all the skills before he got started. 

My dad was also someone who loved life. With every chore or task, he somehow found enjoyment in what he was doing. I know there were things that he did in life that were not easy but he never gave up and seemed to have the best sense of humor with every situation. 

Although we have only been in Greenville for 4 weeks, we could not be happier. Karel and I love to work hard for it is only up to us to get the bills paid. Our work life is not like others but it is a choice that we made to make sure that we make the most out of our life (however long it may be). 

My dad showed me what it is like to love life and I am so happy that I can finally follow in his footsteps in a place that truly makes me happy as I celebrate my good health in nature and work hard to help others reach personal health and fitness goals and to cross finish lines. 

Because the outdoors make me feel so alive, I hope you enjoy some of the pics I have taken in the last few weeks since we moved to Greenville. 

Celebrating more than 32 years of life today

I started early....whipping up a delicious Trimarni creation!

Wow! I have been living for 11680 days!

Today celebrates 32 years that I have been on this Earth. 

32 years of growing, learning, overcoming obstacles and heartache, laughing, loving, traveling, making memories, crossing finishing lines and experiencing life. 

Today is not only my birthday but also the day when I met my life partner, Karel. 

Meeting Karel on my birthday not only made it easy for us to remember the first day when we met (which resulted from us being set-up by mutual friends on a group bike ride) but it's very special that I will always be able to celebrate living another year of life with someone who I get to share the rest of my life with. 

And if you know us well, we sure do love to experience life with our gift of good health. 

I could fill this blog with hundreds and hundreds of words about all the experiences and memories I have had over the past 32 years as well as dozens and dozens of pictures to capture those special moments. 

But I would not be able to experience life if it was not for the most amazing parents who brought me into this world and raised me to the best of their abilities. 

I love my family!

With a very heavy heart, this birthday is the first time I celebrate another year of life without my dad. 

The most amazing man I know, Dr. James A. Rakes, O.D., F.A.A.O., passed away on Wednesday May 28^th, 2014 at the age of 67 years after a heroic 10-month fight with a rare cancer. 

I realize that this will be recent news for many but my super healthy and active day (who never missed a day of work for a sickness and ran 3 miles every day for as long as I can remember) started his battle with cancer a few weeks before Karel and I went to Lake Placid for our Ironman last July (Karel's first Ironman). I am not quite ready to use my brain and heart to give my dad the Trimarni blog (from his daughter) tribute that he deserves so for now I want to share the obituary that my brother and I put together about our amazing dad. 

(I have personalized this obituary specifically for this blog post)

My dad was an Indiana University graduate where he completed Optometry school and continued his residency at the University of Kentucky. He recently retired from the VA hospital as the chief optometrist of the VA eye clinic in New Port Richey, FL. He was a Primary Low Vision care provider and optometric physician.

My dad touched many patient lives in his almost 40 years of working for the VA hospital as he was extremely dedicated to his work, his research, his teachings and helping others. As the director of residency and extern programs, he guided over 100 optometry students to excel in their field.  He was a Fellow of the American Academy of Optometry and was on the Indiana University adjunct faculty.

In 1977, my dad married the love of his life, and best friend, Susie Rakes (Congress) and together they had me (who married Karel in October 2008) and my younger brother Aaron (who married Dana in September 2013). Me and my brother have always lived a very active lifestyle, just like their father.

My dad loved life and his family. He always had a positive spirit, a great sense of humor and the ability to tell the best stories. As a high school track and wresting athlete, he continued to stay fit through daily running and held a strong passion for astronomy, stamp collecting, corvettes, classic movies, anything electronic and the weather.

My dad will be greatly missed by so many for he was incredibly kind, loving, patient and supportive. 

In lieu of flowers, memorial donations can be made to the Borish Center forOpthalmic Research.

And the Cancer Survivors Park in Greenville, South Carolina.

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In honor of my dad, who absolutely loved life, his job of helping others and his family, it is my wish for you to never wait in life to do what you want to do. 

There will never be a perfect time for something so don't wait until tomorrow to start something today. 

As you know, Karel and I made our recent move to Greenville to live an active lifestyle in a beautiful city as we continue to work hard to grow our business.  

We knew this move was risky as small business owners but even after 3 weeks, we do not regret this decision. 

You only have one life and there's nothing better than waking up excited to experience another day of life.

Dream really big and accept hard work.

Take care of your body, it's the only place you have to live.

Have fun, laugh and smile as you make memories. 

Pick your battles and don't waste your breath arguing over something that is not important. 

Stand up for what you believe in, keep an open mind, be flexible and accept others for who they are.

See the good in every minute of your life. 

Live the life you have always wanted to live. 

I love you Dad, always and forever. Thank you for being my biggest fan, for raising me to work hard for success, for always being proud of me, for taking the best pictures at my races, for never having a bad day, for loving mom and showing me what it is like to have a great marriage for over 35 years, for welcoming Karel into our family and for always loving me.